6 "no" for good parents
Psychologists like to talk about what parents should do and what children should not do.
But there is a list of prohibitions for parents too. So what should not be forced to do children to avoid problems in the future?
Being who the child is not
If you have a hyperactive tomboy, you probably want him to be more assiduous and calm. And parents of modest people want their children to better converge with other people, to be more relaxed. Often there is a desire to force them to behave somehow differently. Alas, if the child himself does not want to change, then all your attempts to change him will lead to the fact that he believes in the idea that you do not love him and do not accept him for what he is.
To be polite
Your child is your business card. Surely you want him to greet and say goodbye, apologize for every offense and thank you for every little thing, and everyone around you thought: “What wonderful parents this educated child has!” And the sooner he starts doing this, the better. In fact, preschool children do not know how to be polite sincerely, rather they will play a role in order to please adults. Or will not be – out of a sense of protest.
So the best way to instill politeness in a child is to be polite to yourself. And do not forget that sometimes excessive politeness becomes dangerous for a child. Surely you yourself often suffered from the fact that you could not snap at an unpleasant and sticky companion. And what will happen if a stranger turns to your unduly polite child and asks for help?
Adults do not like when children lie to them, but they often teach them this. Grandma bought a chocolate bar and asked not to talk about this mischievous mom … Mom reacted too vigorously when the child admitted to misconduct, which could not be admitted … Dad wrote a "fake" certificate to skip a complicated control that could affect for a fourth grade … But in the end, the child grows up and masterfully lies to the boss, customers, wife, mistress and, of course, his parents.
Eat through force or diet
Children will never thank you if you give them bad eating habits. For example, eat up everything that lies on the plate. It is from this that many people start to get overweight. Surely you even can not always calculate your portion correctly.
What can we say about the child, whose need for calories is changing literally every day. He suffices that he is being fed with food in kindergarten, even if he relax at home and decides for himself whether he is hungry or not. Also, there is nothing good in not allowing the child to eat something tasty if he behaved badly. Or feed something tasty, if you behaved well.
In the future, he will constantly punish himself and encourage only food. If there is a need to go on a diet for medical reasons, then it will be correct to introduce restrictions for the whole family and at least not to tempt the child with “forbidden fruits” at home.
Do what he doesn't like
Suppose you brought a child to a circle or section, paid for a month of classes, and he went one or two times and said that he would not go again. Surely you will be sorry for the money spent, so you begin to ardently convince him that you can not give up after the first failures. Depending on how convincing you are in your speeches, he will devote an unloving occupation to a few months, or even a lifetime. Remember yourself. Surely you about many things once understood that this is “not yours”. So why do you think your child cannot understand this?
You know that the best way to find a common language with children on the court is to “bribe” them. Perhaps that is why you give your child with him the best toys for a walk, and then literally force them to give them to other children.
Naturally, your child’s behavior causes bewilderment and aggression, because he himself wants to play with his typewriter, and not with someone’s broken sand molds.
Think, why do you even need a child to be generous? Will you be pleased that in a couple of years he (she) will give an expensive toy to an unfamiliar child and come to you for praise? What would a teenager spend all his pocket money on friends?