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Active listening technique

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slyshat

01/17/2013

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When raising a child, all parents sooner or later face a situation where their child begins to tell them about their problems, offenses and worries. Most of course will listen to him carefully and try to help as much as possible. But when listening to the problems of small children, it is necessary to take into account that we answer him for an adult, and he sees this situation differently, from his own angle.

When a child comes up with a problem, usually the father or mother listens carefully to him, asking for details, trying to figure out why this happened. This is certainly correct, but there are several subtleties. When you start asking a child why it happened (for example, why he was offended by his friend Vanya and no longer wants to play with him, or no longer wants to go to kindergarten) he perceives it as a cold, detached interest, a desire to learn more facts. But for the child the emotional side of the problem is much more important. This is where the snag begins. On the one hand, you need to find out why and how everything happened, because without knowing the reason, you simply cannot help. On the other hand, after a few questions, the child may withdraw and stop talking about the problem altogether. To do this, there are methods of active listening. the simplest and most effective of them is repetition. Just repeat the phrases of your child, slightly changing his intonation. For example, if a child says – I was offended by Vanya from kindergarten, you should immediately react and just repeat, for example – Vanya was offended by you. With such communication, the child will feel your participation and interest in his problem. Roughly speaking, you return to him in your dialogue what he conveys to you and he no longer feels alone in front of his problems. When a child is depressed, something bad happened to him, he was offended, or he did something wrong, which led to a failure that worries and overwhelms him, it’s worth talking to him that way, it will give him a feeling of mutual help and your attention .

It is worth noting that this technique is very simple in execution, but at first it will be very difficult to abandon the usual model of communication with the child and move on to this one. But, despite its simplicity, in the application it is very effective. Repeating for the child his stories about experiences, you like to take half of his problems on yourself and it becomes easier for him. There are many positive results. The child becomes less withdrawn, seeing the readiness of parents to listen to him, he feels his importance and necessity.

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