Adolescence: why parents don't understand their children
Every parent loves his child and wishes him all the best.
Everyone has a desire to raise a genius, an outstanding in something special, a child.
So why then do parents not understand their children?
What is the problem of misunderstanding?
The answer is very simple. None of the adults want their child to go through all the difficult and problematic stages of life that they themselves went through. They are trying in every way to fence them from it. From childhood, parents do everything for children, because they know better, faster and more correctly. But they forget that their child is also an individual, with his own opinion, interests and preferences. After all, everyone has heard when moms and dads in childhood try to determine the fate of their child: "He will be an athlete, a politician, a cook." Or when, in adulthood, they choose a companion for a son or daughter, ostensibly knowing with whom the union will be better.
But parents are not entirely guilty of this. Young mothers who have a lot of worries, do not have time to fully devote time and attention to their child. They can listen to him, but not hear. They think that children cannot say anything clever, so they ignore everything.
Even as they grow older, children cannot achieve equality from their parents. They will remain for them children who do not understand anything. And this is normal, as it should be. At first, their parents teach their lives, tell them how to do everything, and then in adulthood, they begin to defend their interests, their point of view.
At this age, children test in practice everything said by their parents. And this is normal, because it would be worse if he would say at 20, 30 years old: “And mom and dad would say …”. They begin to check the correctness of the parents, whether the instructions of the parents are valid in the rules of life, in the norms of the family and society. And if parents teach children to really look at the world, then when children see that everything is like that, they do not lose their authority. But, if they shake everything and give many prohibitions and embellish certain details of life, then they risk losing credibility in the eyes of the child and he will no longer listen to them.
Bans and punishments
When a child claims his rights, you need to negotiate with him, find a compromise and discuss the punishment in case of violation. And then the little man will be aware of the consequences and will not be offended, because he chose it himself. Also, do not forget that punishment is a learning, not a mockery.
In adolescence, do not use prohibitions at all. After all, the child in any case wants to know why it is impossible, and to check whether this is so. Therefore, we need another tactic – to explain everything in terms of harm and benefit. So the child will have a choice, but he will know the consequences.
In order for children to learn to love and be loved in adulthood, you need to show this in every way while he is still a baby. Do not lie to children, because when they grow up – they will do the same. Leaving the baby to the nanny is also a bad habit. Who knows what she teaches him. And as the statistics show, children who were brought up by a nanny or even a grandmother often come to the psychotherapist. With them it is important to play, have fun, develop, support in undertakings.
What matters is how parents behave with each other. After all, this is an example for the future relationship of the child. It is necessary to control all your words, deeds, often help, show love, treat each other with respect. It is also important to have a single point of view in raising a baby. Therefore, it is necessary to coordinate with each other some moments of education, before talking about it to the child.
All misunderstandings only because of understatement and lack of dialogue. After all, the conversation of fathers and children is often prohibitions and reproaches. Therefore, it is important to engage more often in dialogue, have patience and try to understand each other.