25.04.2018

America jokes

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Get a print subscription to Reader’s Digest and instantly enjoy free digital access on any device. America jokes Section Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You’re in the right place.

What do you call it when you have your mom’s mom on speed dial? Time On My Side I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time. What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie? Birthday Cake Love Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake. Make a wish Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11 and birthday candles: Do your job. Whoops, No Present Forget about the past, you can’t change it.

Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one. Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday? A: It was a sappy one!

How does a computer get drunk? Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

To get to the other slide. Tweetment Needed PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter! DOCTOR: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow. Big Spender I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife. Shopping Freeze I’m currently boycotting any company that sells items I can’t afford. Wallet Half Empty Always borrow money from a pessimist.