Take the kids downtown to go shopping at Sears for back to school clothes the last week of August. Get everyone a new pair of corduroys and a striped tee shirt. Buy the boys a pair of dungarees and the girls a pair of brown bag school lunches. No, Jennifer, you can’t have that orange and red poncho.
Promise you will crochet her a better one with much more fringe. Get the girls a package of that rainbow, fuzzy yarn they like in their hair. Eckerds, K-Mart, Ames, Dollar General, Drug Fair or the like and hurry them over to the back-to-school area to pick out a lunchbox. Make sure to tell them get a move on because you don’t have all night for them to make a damn decision.
After 7 years, 1000’s of posts and 1 BILLION VISITS, Scary Mommy now has a free e-book. Get THE MOM CLUB: 10 Stories to Make You Feel Like a Better Parent! Buy yourself a pack of Virginia Slims on the way out and smoke three of them on the way home. Line up all the lunchboxes on the formica counter top in your kitchen. Open up a bag of Wonder Bread and do this assembly line style. Unwrap American cheese slices and put on top of bologna.
Put top on the sandwich and wrap sandwich in tin foil or wax paper. Every kid gets the same exact lunch. Alternate sandwich choices could include: Peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, the end of last night’s leftover roast beef or the ever popular with children tuna fish with large chunks of onions and celery and Miracle Whip. Put some Planter’s Cheese Balls into a baggie and close with a twist tie. Take Twinkies out of the box. Put one in each child’s lunch box.