How to find a common language with the child: the advice of a psychologist
Often there are misunderstandings between adults and children, fraught with unpleasant clarifications of relationships. Parents often can not find a common language with his child. Inexperienced mom and dad exacerbate the situation by resorting to methods of influence like punishments.
How to communicate with children so that everyone is as comfortable as possible, knows the author of the popular book “Five Languages of Love for Children”, psychologist Harry Chapman. The main thing that parents should not forget, the specialist draws attention, that in the soul the child has a kind of emotional vessel that needs to be filled with love, for which he owes nothing to mom and dad.
When this court is full, the child feels loved and develops normally. Otherwise, with a lack of love, the vessel dries up, which leads to problems not only with self-esteem, but also with the child’s well-being.
Harry Chapman calls 5 languages of love, that is, five options to show their feelings: touch, time, words, gifts and care. We know all these languages, but only one of them, according to the psychologist, is native for adults and children, while the others have less knowledge of them. Next, let's see what language is best to communicate with the child.
First you need to watch a little child, understand how he expresses his feelings, how he manifests his love. Maybe heartily hugs? Or take your hand? Or thanks for any nice little thing? See how your child relates to pets and loved ones. Pay attention to what worries the child, what he complains about, find out his main requests, what the child really wants.
A good way to determine what language of love a child speaks is to offer him a choice of a walk, go buy some sweets or toys, stay at home and watch cartoons, etc.
The most common language of children in love is touching (hugging, for example, or stroking). Some psychologists recommend hugging children at least 8 times a day.
If the words of love are in your child's love language, then support, approval, praise, good arguments that will convince him to do something, etc. are very important to the child. Do not forget to put a note with the words "I love you!", "I believe in you!", "You will succeed!" In the school backpack of the child or in the pencil case. And at home on the fridge, you can put a magnetic board on which you will leave each other merry messages. If you are late at work or are on a business trip, try to call the child as often as possible.
Time as a language of love implies that you are with your child as often as possible and longer, giving him your attention and care. You can, for example, do something around the house together, walk in the street, watch cartoons, etc.
Gifts as a language of love suggest surprises for the baby for no reason, without demanding anything in return. Ideal gifts for the child will be those that suit his hobbies.
Care and help are very important for the kids. Try as often as possible to support the kid in his hobbies, help with the implementation of lessons, when skiing or cycling, delight his favorite dishes.
Remember, if you are talking to a child in the same language, his emotional vessel is filled with love and warmth. The baby will grow up happy and confident.
Photo: © Belnovosti