If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. Relationships are like fat people One liner kids jokes of them don’t work out. I’m in shape Unfortunately, it’s the shape of a potato.
I failed my driver’s test today. The instructor asked me “What do you do at a red light? I said “I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook. Old people at weddings always poke me and say “you’re next”. So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. Running away doesn’t help you with your problems unless you’re fat. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I changed all my passwords to “incorrect”, so that whenever I forget, it will tell me, “Your password is incorrect. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it? People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you’ve got diarrhea is better. Damn, I forgot to go to the gym today. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake, everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola. Don’t kid yourself” would be a great slogan for a condom company. If you were home alone, and you heard a fart, would you be scared or laugh? Always borrow money from a pessimist.