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Hey, why can’t I vote on comments? Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. Vladimir Putin is what happens when James Bond gets one of his villains pregnant and the child grows up to kick both their asses. An ex-secret agent now in charge of the entire Eastern Bloc, he’s the good and bad guys combined so that the morality cancels out and you’re left with the best part of a Hollywood movie: pure, unadulterated ass kicking. He presided over a sextupling of Russia’s GDP, the doubling of average national wages, signed bills mandating increased wages for teachers and nurses, and his approval rating is so constantly, ridiculously high, he’s the only world leader reviewed by IGN. Either he is ruthlessly exploiting the media or he is a real-life action hero of such colossal scope that any movie starring him would seem absurd.
When wildfires ravaged the Ryazan region of Russia last year, Putin didn’t appear in front of a camera to assure residents that everything possible was being done, he appeared in the front of a Beriev BE-200 amphibious aircraft to do it himself. Using Air and Water to fight Fire — he just kicked 60 percent of Captain Planet’s ass. What would be a memorable event in anyone’s life, flying a plane filled with water was just another day for Putin. Tu-160 supersonic heavy bomber in an air show, and a Russian Sukhoi Su-27 over Chechnya in 2000.