Best jokes Best 100 short funny jokes based on visitors votes. Please rate funny short jokes by clicking on smiles, so funniest jokes will be also best jokes on our web site! If you rate joke, joke rating and story short funny will change. When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem.
Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing. A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some homework. The son says, “Ok, Ok, I was at a friend’s house watching movies.
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch? Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son. Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Boy: Me and I’m going home now.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE! Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away. Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking. Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married? Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.
No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see. I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson. And what do you deduce from that? Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.