Parenting articles, news and tips on raising happy, healthy, successful kids and teens. When did talking to kids become so hard? Human Relations and ten years of college debate-team experience to communicate with your kids, but sometimes your kids may make it the conditions for the development of communication in preschool children that way.
Blame social media, Multiple Electronic Screen Disorder, or the way we parent, but the point is that the social landscape of childhood has changed, leaving us to cross a communication territory that seems more complicated than the territory we crossed when we were children. How did you get that bruise on your leg? Child raises the remote and pushes the volume button on the surround sound a single, calculated notch. Did someone do it on purpose? I thought you said you didn’t get hurt playing?
The volume goes up one more notch. Can you turn the TV down for a minute? Did you just tell me okay, or did you just tell me to wait? Selling over two million copies, the book spoke plainly to parents with a clear and obvious message: parents have to affirm and support the needs of their children if they are going to break away from patterns of communication that don’t work. Take the dialogue at the start of this article, for example. The parent is looking for a story, an explanation for a bruised leg that makes sense. The questions seem pretty clear, but the story never comes out.
Parent-child communication is a complex blend of non-verbal emotional signals, words, and behavior. Patterns of communication are set even before a child can produce words himself or herself. The topic of conversations begin to revolve around the behaviors we want our children to show on their own. You need to call your grandmother. She’d love to hear about how you did at your recital.
She always sounds like she wants to get off of the phone. That’s just because she’s worried about long-distance. It’s something we used to worry about in the old days. I’m looking up some song lyrics right now. This parent-child communication breaks down because the parent stresses the responsibility of grandchildren calling grandmothers, but fails to connect the emotional dots, that calling grandmothers is a way of loving grandmothers. Often, parents close the doors of communication in ways that seem obvious when they are pointed out to us.
Trying to repeat our point over and over during the conversation. I don’t know why I keep having to tell you this, but . This style of communication comes from our worry that the child won’t accept the point we are trying to make. In this dialogue between parent and child, the parent is focused on persuading, not communicating.
Pointing out how a child is saying something in the middle of their saying it. Yes, you have to go with me to the bank, and please don’t use that whiny voice when you’re talking to me. Correcting a child’s communication is a crucial job that has to be done, but it doesn’t usually have to be done right as a child is expressing a feeling, even a negative feeling about something. Why don’t you want to sign up for baseball? Signalling the child that you are getting frustrated with the tone of your voice. I already told you why we had to stop at the store for your brother. We feel the frustration, we often give it back to them, then they pass it back to us.